Clara Walnuts

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I live in the crazy little city of Los Angeles.
I am loud. Sometimes I drink too much.
I like to prank call.
I'm obsessed with conjoined twins.
My friends call me Clara Walnuts.

And I like people who don't take life too seriously.

You can contact me at Clairebh90210@aol.com

May 15

Why Cosmo is Irrelevant

I’m reading the current issue with Carmen Electra on the cover and it’s killing me.  Two articles especially:

Dirty Dude Discoveries: “When I started dating my boyfriend, I looked in his closet and found pictures of the Spice Girls, including drawings he had done of the group.  When we had been together a while longer, I asked him about it.  Apparently, he had a Spice Girls fascination when he was younger and had crushes on all of them.” -Brooke, 25

An article titled “5 Signs a Guy is Capable of Rape”

How about Cosmo writes an article titled “5 Signs Your Boyfriend is Gay.”  Sounds like Brooke here needs to read it (and it would have been helpful for me at 21.)

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An awesome day for all gays

erichemedes:

Taking a moment now out of this crazy twisted week to mention what an awesome thing it is that gays can get married.

My first words to Chelsea and Angela were:

“That totally means, if I wanted to, I could totally get engaged tonight, get married tomorrow which would make you two a couple of my bridesmaids”

To which, they replied with a resounding “yay!”

à Clara would be maid of honor, obviously.

Another funny thing was a text from Meuy, when she heard the news:

“It’s a day for the gays to remember. Will you remember where you were when the decision came down? I was asleep as always”

My reply:

I think I was pooing.

Here’a great tidbit from the article:

“We therefore conclude that in view of the substance and significance of the fundamental constitutional right to form a family relationship, the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right to all Californians, whether gay or heterosexual, and to same-sex couples as well as to opposite-sex couples,” Chief Justice Ronald George wrote for the majority.

YES!!! I’m so excited to be maid of honor! I know you will pick out some fabulous dresses.

It is a fantastic day for everyone! 

p.s. I was at Souplantation when I heard the news.
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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Jason Mraz featuring Colbie Caillat- Lucky

Loving this song right now! 

via 27

May 14
Kelly Clarkson is sitting right next to us at dinner at Koi. One last celeb sighting for Yar before she moves to Texas.
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Best day ever

Yarrow just kidnapped me from work. We’re going to Houston’s for lunch and then spending the day at the spa. We then have dinner at Koi. Its her going away gift to me. I’m really sad about her leaving but this is an awesome gift! And I don’t have to spend the day hungover at work!
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I need to stop drinking like I'm in college during the work week

seriously.

Yar’s going away dinner/out turned out to be a little more than we bargained for.

I am very proud that I finally karaoke’d “A Whole New World” from Alladin with Brian, the best karaoke partner ever.

I misplaced my purse (with my keys) so Snotty had to pick me up for work today.  REAL responsible.  I got Boss to buy us hangover breakfast and now I just can’t wait until 5pm.

May 13
I’ve convinced my friends that since my best friend and roommate is moving away, I deserve going away gifts. I told Annie that I wanted Valerie Bertinelli’s autobiography. Ever since I saw her on Oprah talking about all her drug use and crazy sex life, I’ve been wanting to read it. Annie did even better. She had the book messengered over to Valerie’s office today and I am now the official owner of an autographed copy. She hadn’t even known for 24 hours that I wanted it. My insomnia has been acting up all month and this little guilty pleasure is going to help tonight!

I’ve convinced my friends that since my best friend and roommate is moving away, I deserve going away gifts. I told Annie that I wanted Valerie Bertinelli’s autobiography. Ever since I saw her on Oprah talking about all her drug use and crazy sex life, I’ve been wanting to read it.

Annie did even better. She had the book messengered over to Valerie’s office today and I am now the official owner of an autographed copy. She hadn’t even known for 24 hours that I wanted it.

My insomnia has been acting up all month and this little guilty pleasure is going to help tonight!

May 12
erichemedes: So I was drunk…. …ask me more about it in person This one’s a bit intense…..and actually kind of reminds me of several i’ve taken with clara. Remember these ones? Halloween drive-thru: After partying in Beverly Hills while in from out of town: wow.  Your Safeway meat freezer picture may top the two of ours below.  Although we must be given credit for the laundromat pictures.  To convince a random maintenance worker at 3am to do a full-blown 30-minute photo shoot with the two of our drunk asses is impressive. you look fierce. and semi-reminiscent of the picture of you in the bushes that nobody remembers. 

erichemedes:

So I was drunk….

…ask me more about it in person

This one’s a bit intense…..and actually kind of reminds me of several i’ve

taken with clara. Remember these ones?

Halloween drive-thru:

After partying in Beverly Hills while in from out of town:

wow.  Your Safeway meat freezer picture may top the two of ours below.  Although we must be given credit for the laundromat pictures.  To convince a random maintenance worker at 3am to do a full-blown 30-minute photo shoot with the two of our drunk asses is impressive.

you look fierce. and semi-reminiscent of the picture of you in the bushes that nobody remembers. 

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To All Rejected Girls on The Bachelor

Please heed the following advice:

When you are ultimately rejected, please say, “I’m sorry things didn’t work out, you’re a fantastic person and I wish you the best.” Then head straight to the limo and then you can bawl your eyes there.

DO NOT

  • Try to convince him of your “connection”
  • Cry and say that you don’t understand
  • Accuse him of leading you on
  • Talk shit about the other girls
He’s made up his mind.  There’s nothing you can do at this point.  Save what little pride you have left at this point and get the fuck out of there.
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more 90210 commentary

  • Yarrow: How could they not hook up?
  • Claire: Some people have morals.
  • Yarrow: Not like you do!
  • Claire: I never said I did. None of us do!
  • Annie: I had sex in the poolhouse with a guy I just met!
  • Yarrow: I gave head in the alley behind 3rd Street Promenade!
  • Claire: Wow, we really could be on 90210.
  • sidenote: Annie made sure that the poolhouse owner (my boss Michael) does not read this blog before she gave me permission to post. Yar does not care about maintaining an image of purity.
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how embarassed would you be if...

You had to call your boyfriend to bail you out of jail for prostitution? Poor Valerie Malone.
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thingsyoucantdocokedup: USE THE BATHROOM ALONE ha!

thingsyoucantdocokedup:

USE THE BATHROOM ALONE

ha!

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jennabee: Excuse me but WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Why is my dashboard suddenly vague-melodrama headquarters? Either take it to LiveJournal or get your shit together, people, or I will continue to post images of the Drama Llama. Amen, sister!

jennabee:

Excuse me but WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Why is my dashboard suddenly vague-melodrama headquarters? Either take it to LiveJournal or get your shit together, people, or I will continue to post images of the Drama Llama.

Amen, sister!

May 11
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I guess it’s post a picture of your mother day. I think this picture says it all.  My mom would kill me if she knew I posted this. Happy Mother’s Day Mom! 

I guess it’s post a picture of your mother day.

I think this picture says it all.  My mom would kill me if she knew I posted this.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom!