Clara Walnuts

“This commerical is bullshit. This makes all women get...”
— Ali, in response to the...

Dec 27th

Tis the season to thank Baby Jesus for ghetto Mexican food....

Dec 27th

[Via Written On The City] — asprettyasasong

Dec 26th

My 53-year old Mom just bought this for herself.  She says...

Dec 22nd

Our Christmas dog, Jethro

Dec 22nd

Half of the words out of my mouth that I say to my boss are completely made up on the spot. The...

Dec 21st

“At this point, in the war, it’s kind of like when your dad...”
— Mike Birbiglia

Dec 21st

BACK AWAY

So one of my best friends met this boy who was nice and everything but he just wasn’t looking...

Dec 21st

Say Goodbye to Love Failures and Loneliness (via Linzie...

Dec 21st

My boss

So my BFF coworker and I bought our flamingly gay boss a shirt for Christmas. We literallly walked into Macy's and said, "What screams fruity?" and we found the perfect white shirt. We were CONVINCED that he was going to love it.
Well, today he opened it up and was not very subtle about his dislike for it.
This is how the convo went:
Boss: It's nice. Where'd you get it?
Me: So you can return it???
Boss: Maybe.
Snotty: Macy's.
Me: Women's department.
Boss: Liberace wouldn't even wear that shirt.

Dec 20th

“If love and breakups were a movie, I’d walk my ass out...”
— Noelle Hancock,...

Dec 20th

Dec 20th

An X-mas Present

For my Christmas present from a certain coworker, I’d like to ask him to stop chewing so damn...

Dec 20th

“Every relationship has at least one really good day. What I...”
—  Feast of Love Loving this...

Dec 20th

WOW.  16 and pregnant.  I believe that’s a title of a...

Dec 19th

This is my sister’s car buried in snow. Me: Keel, oh...

Dec 18th

I’m currently re-reading the hit classic “Go Ask...

Dec 18th

it's possible

Me: Can we do [redacted] today?
Snotty: No.
Me: Why not?
Snotty: Sometimes I think you're missing that inappropriate edit button.

Dec 18th

An IM Infatuation Turned to Romance. Then the...

Dec 18th

I have mixed feelings about going...

Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.
-Garden State

Dec 18th

ouch

Stevie is an Olive Garden advocate. They should seriously consider paying her for how much she talks up the restaurant. While she couldn't join us tonight, she was with me in spirit and through text. (BTW Garlic Herb Chicken CON broccoli is her favorite meal there.)
Me (via text): Oh my god. We were asking our waiter for recommendations and I asked about your chicken dish and he scrunched his face and said, "Ewww, that kinda nauseated me when I ate it."
Stevie: Shove delicious breadsticks up his ass for me.

Dec 18th

These two little bitches fooled/tricked/lied to get me to go...

Dec 18th

We started with the Spinach Artichoke dip because I felt...

Dec 18th

We all ordered the Soup, Salad and breadsticks with...

Dec 18th

The breadsticks were actually really yummy. I think I had...

Dec 18th

while I was in the bathroom, they told the waiter it was my...

Dec 18th

this is how I felt at the end of the night wishing that...

Dec 18th

Diva has been a HUGE help with the puzzle.

Dec 18th

this puzzle is currently taking over my life.  I can’t...

Dec 18th

best looking boys on TV. seriously, Chuck Bass just does it...

Dec 17th

Dec 16th

 I thought it was so cool that she could go through the...

Dec 16th

“Pippilotta. In a jam. Come quick. Villa Villekulla.”
— BEST MOVIE EVER!

Dec 16th

“Do I own one? No. Would I own one if I could? Maybe.”
— Andie, regarding her desire...

Dec 16th

“Living inside your head with all those thoughts,...”
— man, October Road is so deep...

Dec 16th

I met Danny from “Shot of Love With Tila...

Dec 16th

Diva will not leave Rico’s potty pad.

Dec 16th

Diva at my window

Dec 16th

from now on, this is the only man allowed in my bed.

Dec 16th

“this license plate reminds me of my childhood.”...

Dec 16th

Online shopping

I just made a large order online (a couple gifts, a couple things for me—that’s my...

Dec 14th

via Melissa Gira

Dec 13th

Rubik's Cube

I bought my first one ever yesterday.  I’m already frustrated to death.   I’m setting a...

Dec 13th

Seriously, my new obsession

Dec 13th

this is just silly.  am I really supposed to be able to...

Dec 12th

she's having an off day

Snotty: Is Ashley related to Charlie Chapman?
Me: Who???
Snotty: What, you've never heard of Charlie Chapman?

Dec 12th

“What does ‘Four-Two-Oh’ mean again?”
— Snotty…and she’s...

Dec 12th

Sandwich Boy

Eddie: Now I have to worry that every time you walk into a sandwich place you will fall in love. That's all I will think about when I walk into Quizno's!
Me: No! I could never fall in love with someone who works at Quizno's! I'd have to be like an independent sandwich place.
Eddie: But they toast their bread!!!

Dec 12th

These are TEEN underwear from Walmart.  I’m thoroughly...

Dec 11th

Dec 11th

Seriously, cutest thing ever!

Dec 11th

“I don’t know if I want him to love me. He makes...”
— the real-life version of Kitty

Dec 11th

“Motor home Madness: I just bought a RV Motor home (full...”
— Some loser on Craig’s...

Dec 10th

so true

On any given weekend in any given month, any given girl is getting ready to go out. She showers and...

Dec 10th

Watch

Seriously.  I am doing this at my wedding.  But since I have no butt whatsoever, I’m thinking...

Dec 7th

I attended my first Bris yesterday. I’ve never been...

Dec 6th

“I know. I’m going to go the route where we’re...”
— Stevie, on planning my...

Dec 6th

“Don’t you wish this was our day: Cuddle up and watch...”
— Snotty

Dec 6th

So Clueless

Annie: I always said that I would never live South of Sunset.
Yar: I would NEVER live South of Sunset.
Me: We DO live South of Sunset.
Yar: Oh!

Dec 6th

“Imagine if you woke up from a five year coma and someone...”
—  BRITNEY PICKS GOOD FRIENDS -...

Dec 5th

“When they give you things, ask yourself why. When you’re...”
— Jeff Vandemeer

Dec 4th

Watch

Europe Is a County and Everyone Speaks French Here. Wow.  I like how she equates Hungary with...

Dec 4th

“This is the same dude who made billions from a website that...”
— Gawker reacts to Facebook...

Dec 4th

I’m embarassed to say I have an article published in...

Dec 4th

Hot Chicks With Douchebags

Dec 4th

“The best kisses are always the ones that happen...”
— New York City resident...

Dec 4th

thanks

Dec 4th

A quite large dildo that is beyond the point of...

Dec 4th

What, you haven't heard that before?

Yar: Ciao Pella!
Me: What did you just say?
Yar: Ciao Pella! What, you haven't heard that before?
Me: No, I haven't because it's Bella. Ciao Bella.
Yar: No. It's Ciao Pella.
Me: Pella is not a word. It's Bella like pretty.
Yar: Where did I grow up?

Dec 4th

“He returns your calls, which Justin didn’t. He likes...”
— LC

Dec 4th

You know you're on a diet when...

In response to seeing prison food on Lockdown, Einat and I scream, “That looks soooo...

Dec 4th

seriously, Brit’s extensions are out of control. ...

Dec 3rd

I just sent this e-card in response.

Dec 3rd

My coworker just sent me this article about the do’s...

Dec 3rd

Sandwich Boy

So anyone who knows me in the slightest, knows that I like to give nicknames to my boys.  I use...

Dec 3rd

bored at work so I made a personal business card.  how cute...

Dec 3rd

Alyssa sure showed Ted.  I love her revised drawing.

Dec 3rd

I know you all think it, too.

Dec 3rd

at the dog park, with Char zipped into my hoodie. I was...

Dec 3rd

Celeb Sighting

I just spotted Marcia Cross while shopping at Bloomingdales. Side bar: Pet peeve #366 When people...

Dec 1st